I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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