those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
