Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
