you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
