a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
