Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
