Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
