Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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