im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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