i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
