The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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