i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
