Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
