i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's never too late to be topless.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
