is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
