McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
