He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
