also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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