He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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