Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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