As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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