talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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