I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
