You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
