The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
