he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
