i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
