if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
