My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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