Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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