You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
