youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
