Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
