if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I skipped work to stalk him.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You ruined the universe
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
