his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
