I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
