walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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