She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
