I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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