She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
