I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
