his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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