In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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