Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
