She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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