i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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