I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
