Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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