Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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