I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
